ROCK N ROLL FOOTBALL

Some of you may know that myself, big boy Alan of Tyers and the highly trained fur ball, Nick, are all, when not comatose from the drink or being pleasured by specially trained cats, also football writers. Where does the football and rock n roll interface lie I hear you cry? 

Why, of course, it’s the football records, so beloved of cup final teams and world cup squads. But we’re all familiar with your Back Homes, Blue Is The Colours and you’re Allys Tartan Army. All noble efforts in their own right but largely just songs sung by a lot of very self-conscious men in V necked jumpers and tight, tight Farah slacks. Even New Order’s World In Motion, while effortlessly the finest song written for a football team or cup campaign, is excluded here because we want to find football, be it in the music, lyrics, or sleeve art, in rock music, not songs written for football occasions. There are not many, here’s a few we’ve unearthed.

Pink Floyd – Fearless.

A track on the first side of Echoes, this features a football crowd singing ‘you’ll never walk alone’ – purportedly the Liverpool kop. Floyd themselves were keen footballers and even had their own team in the mid 70s which played charity games and the like. They also make reference to buying a football team in money on Dark Side Of The Moon. So that’s were Roman Abramovitch got the idea from. Pity he didn’t take more notice of the ‘got to keep the loonies off the grass,’ when he stumped up the money to buy Drogba.

Lonnie Donegan – World Cup Willie

The King of skiffle influenced everyone from Hank Marvin to the Beatles. By 1966 he was about 10 years out of fashion – so just the hip type groover for the blazers at the FA to ask to write a song for the World Cup. Why they didn’t ask Ray Davies, who would have been perfect, is a mystery. They’d probably got their frilly panties pulled right up tight.

World Cup Willie wasn’t as some might think, a genital affliction brought on by too much sex during the tournament. No. It was a celebration of the little lion logo fella that represented these fine lands in 1966. The double entendre seemed to escape everyone when he sang, ‘red, white and blue, world cup willie’ Put that away father.

Genesis – Match Of The Day

The first track on their 1977 Spot The Pigeon EP – comprising of three tracks surplus to requirements for the Wind and Wuthering album. A video was shot at QPR’s Loftus Road for it. The whole lyrics are constructed around watching football, including the memorable.

“Don't forget, the trainers with their sponges Managers with open cheques, liquid business lunches”

It peaked at 14 in the singles chart. Well it was the height of punk wasn’t it? Yeah those punks really showed Genesis, eh. Wonder what happened to them.

Ace – Five-A-Side

Ace were a fantastic rock band, best known for their big transatlantic hit How Long, led by Paul Carrack. The cover of this, their best album, is a photo of Liverpool fans, red and white scarves aloft of the terraces, with the band super-imposed in between them with blue and white scarves. Whether this was trying to make a statement of some kind or just that they couldn’t get any red scarves is unclear. The band, born in Burnley, Kentish Town, Muswell Hill, Sheffield and Dublin were unlikely to be Everton supporters.
The back featured each member in old school, cigarette card style with date of birth, birthplace and musical influence. 

Rod Stewart – You’re In My Heart

Back when Rod was in Britt Ekland’s pants – we saw her at last year’s Edinburgh Festival you know, she had a tiny dog in her bag – he penned this love song to her. Now, if you ever see that documentary about them made at the time, they swan about buying art deco antiques. Or she does, Rod really wants to go the football and watch his beloved Celtic. So naturally, this popped up in the lines of this song. 

‘You’re Celtic, United, but baby, I’ve decided, You’re the team I’ve ever seen.’

Aw, must have been love. By the time the single came out, it was all over. Britt had been relegated and he wasn’t applying for re-election.

The Scaffold – Thank You Very Much

Not technically rock n roll, the Scaffold had excellent rock pedigree featuring Paul’s brother Mike McCartney who is a huge Liverpool fan. Back in 1968, for part of a promo film for this single, they shot the group – minus top-notch poet and all-round lovely fella Roger McGough – who was an Everton fan, in front of the Kop at Anfield. It was a massive hit single.

Oasis- Definitely Maybe

The cover of which features pictures of both George Best and Rodney Marsh, heroes to United and City fans respectively, used by the band, as symbols of f*ck you rock n roll spirit. And rightly so.  Should have been a place for Asa Hartford though – he had a hole in his heart – that’s about as rock n roll as you can get!

Half Man Half Biscuit – All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit

While not what those of us who think rock music should involves tight trousers and pulling faces would call rock, Birkenhead’s primo song-smiths and poets have a whole slew of songs with references to football people from Paulo Rossi to Mario Kempes to Kenneth Wolstenholme and even Elton Welsby. They are the go-to band for your football/music hybrid. This is the classic of the genre though, the B side to the Trumpton Riots debut single way back in 1986. It is a paean to table football. Of course it is. Funny that we used to by Subbuteo from sports shops not games shops isn’t it. No? Well I thought so. 

We liked Newfooty anyway, which pre-dated Subbuteo by over 30 years and then went bust in the early 60s. Subbuteo did rear its easily broken plastic head briefly in the Undertones, My Perfect Cousin, because ‘he flicked to kick, and I didn’t know.’ How else did you think you played the game though Fergal?  The cover of that single was a picture of a Subbuteo player in Derry City colours. 

Super Furry Animals – The Man Don’t Give A Fuck

Welsh band that featured the legendary Robin Friday on the cover of this single. A photo of the man, flicking the V’s up – its such a 70s thing the V’s isn’t it – after scoring a goal for Cardiff City. Robin liked his drink and drugs. Possibly the only footballer to have taken LSD, apart from that mix up in Mexico 1970 when Nobby Stiles ate peyote and thought Gordon Banks was a Shaman from Sirius.

Billy Bragg – Sexuality

In which the bard of Barking declares ‘I once had an uncle who played, for Red Star Belgrade.’ A neat little rhyme, on that would have been made immeasurably harder had said uncle played for Klubi Sportiv Shkumbini of Albania.  Later, he released ‘Gods Footballer’ – a song which is supposed to be about Peter Knowles, who played for Wolves in the 70s and was the lesser known brother of ‘nice one’ Cyril Knowles of Spurs. 

Kirsty MacColl – England 2 Colombia 0

Great title for a song eh! Released in 2000 on the Tropical Brainstorm album, Kirsty uses England opening round victory in the 1998 as a metaphor for a deceitful lover. All very nifty and literate it is too, with Kirsty in the Colombia role.

There’s bound to be more out there – if you know of some crackers, let us know.